after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
