wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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