if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
