Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
