I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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