My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm like, not good at living.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
