i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
