xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
