You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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