i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
