my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
