wakey wakey hands off snakey
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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