Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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