I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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