I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
