I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
