Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he thought i was a dude.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
