ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
