Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
