I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
