So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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