Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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