He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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