She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
