saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she told me i tasted like america
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
