just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
