I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
