You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
