She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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