I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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