Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
