So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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