She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
