i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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