She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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