i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
