Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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