Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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