Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
