Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
