sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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