What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
