weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
