i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
