I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
