Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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