Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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