dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
