had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Brb crying the tears of my youth
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
