did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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