So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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