i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
