What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
