So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
