So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
