Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
