There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
