i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I am available for nakedness
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
