so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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