i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
