she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
