Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
