Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
