I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
